21 Questions to #VibeCheck your Tinder match

Remember the iconic 36 questions to fall in love? Well, this is our 2021 version for Valentine’s Day in a pandemic, when digital dating is the way we’re all meeting new people. Co-authored with a leading psychologist (so you know this is the real deal),  this series of questions is primed for your next Video Chat date that will help you break the ice and give you something more to ask than “Hey, how’s lockdown treating you?”.

Whichever  team you’re in and whether you have video date(s) planned or not, just don’t forget to let your hair down and have fun this Valentine’s Day. We should all feel better knowing that no matter what we do to woo our match virtually or IRL, 10% of 18-25 year olds fall in love at first sight anyway  While others say it can take them a few weeks (29%)  and some up to a few months to fall in love (37%) . 17% of 18-25 year olds just like to take their time (and that’s fine too!) saying they fall in love within the first year or longer. And for the remainder (8%) they just haven’t fallen in love yet[1]!

Whether it’s love at first sight or someone that simply sparks your attention, find out if it’s a match made in heaven with a little help from Tinder. 

21 questions to really get to know your match in time for Valentine’s Day[2]

1. Describe yourself in a tweet. - A good way to help focus on the essentials - what comes to mind first.

2.   Tell me the last three emojis you used - Tells you their prime / go-to / ‘home’ emotional states

3.   What’s something you just don’t understand the hype about? - Reveals their character type and their attachment style. Are they an independent thinker?

4.   Your 2020/go-to meme? - Displays their understanding and attitudes to current events  as well as their emotional responsiveness. Are they emotionally receptive and relatable?

5.   Who do you reply to first; your mum, friend, co-worker? Reveals who you are most attached to in your life and your inner circle.

6.   Work to live or live to work? Shows your matches values and their view of the meaning of life

7.   Ultimate snack? - How does your match indulge? Can they enjoy themselves? Are they a foodie or a health freak?

8.   Tell me a secret no one else knows…- Challenging openness and ability to be vulnerable. A scary question. How long does your match hesitate?

9.  What three words would your closest pal use to describe you? - Gives an objective view of your match from an outsider

10.  Soundtrack to your life? - Reveals your match’s music taste. How do they see themselves? What is their character type- tragic, romantic, funny or partying type?

11.  If you could do anything in life, knowing that you could not fail, what would you do? - A great question, helps us to get into the space of fantasy and encourages vulnerability

12.  Who’s your guilty celeb crush? - Tells us something about the person, their projections and transference. Reveals what they desire: attributes, qualities and looks.

13.  What’s the one embarrassing moment that keeps you up at night? - Night time is a  time of aloneness, solitude and darkness. This answer will show your matches your innermost feelings.

14.  Choose one: TikTok or Netflix - Shows whether your match is an active and engaging person or whether they prefer the sofa and quiet. Are they an introvert or extravert?

15.  Craziest thing on your bucket list? - This question opens channels for being human and silly. Also builds tension around the question: Am I fun and original?

16. Early bird or night owl? - This is a lifestyle question and will tell you how your match functions. In what environment do they operate best?

17.  Who would play me in a movie? - encourages your match to tell you who you  remind them of? This is a safe and fun way to say something about the person indirectly.

18.   Biggest covidiot of 2020? - This is a loaded question: Is this person on the same page as you? Talking about societal issues can tell whether you align in your thoughts.

19.  If we weren’t in lockdown, what would we be doing RN? - This question brings it back to here and now. References the body, place. Grounding and immediate. Takes the conversation out of cognitive and affective realms into the behavioural.

20.  What gives you the ‘ick’? Etc. This shows how your match responds to their gut reaction.

21. What’s the worst lie you’ve ever told to get out of a date? - Opportunity to reveal someone's true colours. Pose the question, can I trust you? What lies will you tell me?


About Tinder

Tinder was introduced on a college campus in 2012 and is the world’s most popular app for meeting new people. Available in 190 countries and 40+ languages, it’s been downloaded more than 400 million times and led to 55 billion matches.



Matt Davies

Matt is a qualified relationship psychotherapist. For over a decade, he trained to become a psychotherapist as well as a couple & relationship therapist. He constantly trains and updates his skills beyond the requirements of his regulatory organisations to improve his offering.

Matt is accredited by the UK Council for Psychotherapy (UKCP), the highest regulatory and awarding body in psychotherapy in the UK. He is also accredited by the College of Sexual & Relationship Therapists (COSRT), the UK’s specialist regulatory body in psychosexual and relationship therapy. In addition he is accredited by the British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy and the UK Association of Humanistic Psychology Practitioners. Matt has undertaken rigorous world-class training with internationally renowned Tavistock Institute of Medical Psychology.  He is also trained in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), the most researched and empirically proven evidence-based method in couple therapy.



[1] Consumer research carried out on 2000 single and actively dating UK  18-25 year olds between 28/01/21 and 05/02/01

[2] 21 questions compiled in collaboration with couple and relationship expert Matt Davies.